Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
