Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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