Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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