I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
