I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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