Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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