Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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