matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't want my vagina anymore.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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