Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
