So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
now i know why i became what i already was.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize