So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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