You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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