So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
