I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
