I have demons in me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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