I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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