My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize