now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
