im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I booty called her while she was in labor.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
