I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
