Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize