I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
