He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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