I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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