just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
