I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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