Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
