did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize