dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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