One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
