I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
