last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
