ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
