U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
