Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
