Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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