there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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