1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize