brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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