Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
