Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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