It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
