spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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