So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
