My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
