Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
