# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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