could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
