Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize