I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
