Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sext me about skeletons
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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