i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
