i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
