P.S. I can't hear my feet
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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