I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
