It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Umm I'm too high to move.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
