Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
