babies were throwing up all over the place
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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