If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
