I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
