Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
