Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the day after is always just damage control
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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