If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
