You can't motorboat a personality
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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