he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
false alarm, still single
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
