Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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