shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
