I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
