Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
