Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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