So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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