i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
