That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
