franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
